Welcome little one!
You are a Blessing! Our little star, we prayed for you before we knew you and loved you long before we met. All your precious cries are a reminder of the gift of life. Nearly 3 months of snuggles, milestones, growth, and learning struggles have filled our beautiful days together. Papi and I love you so much!
J.M.J.
I miss Jesus.
I long for my weekly Adoration hour with Him all the time. I finally went for the first time at our new parish last week and it felt wonderful to just gaze upon the Blessed Sacrament. While on earth the closest to Heaven and Christ one can achieve is in participation at the Most Holy Mass. Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament in a Monstrance has always helped me feel the Lord’s presence in a way I only ever felt as a child in other places. In an Adoration chapel, I am able to focus solely on the Gift before me, the True Presence.
Today I will go again. I will kneel and see. My heart need not long for those quiet moments in a dark sanctuary gazing upon Jesus as He gazes upon me. Often in the routine of daily life His gaze falls upon a blind woman with claims of missing Him whilst ignoring His call. Each frustrated comment, every resentful act, in the pain of nursing, in the exhaustion of the night, in the moments where a child’s cry drowns every thought, He is there where I am not.
I started this blog as I prepared myself for the vocation of family life and here I am living this great call while still awaiting every step in patience.
Often forgetting to ask for the virtue of patience, I live out my day as a broken and impatient wife and mother thinking I bear a heavy burden, because I choose not to utilize any of the lifting tools the Lord has provided.
I felt close with God while dating my husband, and I feel closer in the moments where I am a good wife, but I often let my circumstances in life distract me from my call to walk with my husband towards the Lord.
Regularly seeking quiet interactions with Christ is of significance to my, hopefully ever deepening, relationship with Him. To love is to know. And like learning more about my spouse in order to love him better, I need to know Christ more to love Him better. So I will strive not to long to gaze more on Christ, but to choose to do so.
J.M.J.
Well… I have been given another opportunity to practice patience and it is rough. At least this time I have my husband at my side while we anticipate the post womb appearance of our little Blessing, who mind you, is already a few days past her due date.
After months of growing her in the womb, experiencing every pregnancy symptom I have ever heard of, and feeling like death might be the easier option, I never would have guessed how hard the past week would be. Awaiting the tiny little cry of our Blessing has been rather all consuming of our thoughts.
While I do not look forward to the actual labor (because oww…) I eagerly await any sign labor is starting. The end of this pregnancy seems to be nowhere in sight despite my knowledge that she will come soon.
The virtue of patience is an unceasing practice and one I need more grace to routine.
J.M.J.
Thank you for today, oh Lord,
and for all the days of my life!
Jesus, I love you!
Jesus, I trust in you!
J.M.J.
I forgot…
It was not until I saw the date while paying bills that I realized you were gone again. Another year has passed.
The past year has been the happiest year of my life. Steven and I got married and life has been full and busy ever since. And to our great joy I am a mom; you are a grandfather…
Another year of not wanting to think of you when I am alone and laughing at dead dad jokes when we are all together. I still need to go on that fishing trip we were planning, but my future fishing buddy is going to be way cuter than you.
LD is doing really good and has been making career moves. I think you are really proud of the man he is.
P is still on the go and I often do not know what state he is in.
LS ditched the library and has been adventuring more. She has been a lot of fun to hang out with.
JB has been happier and has been a really good friend to me.
S is almost through with her A.A. and the punk is somehow not four anymore.
JL got her first job and has been traveling. She has been hanging out with the “other type of sisters” more and really enjoying volunteering.
M is still an incredible artist. Her thoughtfulness and deep conversations are a joy to witness and participate in.
RC has been a better sister than I. She is not little anymore.
RG is dramatic, sweet, and loving. She has taken really good care of me when we visit.
Steven has been making major changes in his career and has been an incredible spouse. He is the greatest to have at my side as a husband and now as a father to our child.
I am doing well. I seem to have inherited a lot of mom’s pregnancy struggles, but have been happy and healthy despite the unceasing symptoms. I am blessed to be at home everyday and have been able to start up some of my old hobbies again.
Our little Blessing (dedicated to Our Lady Star of the Sea, “Stella Maris”) is growing and will soon be wiggling outside of the womb. We are all so excited to see her little face and kiss her tiny toes. I wish she could feel your hug and hear your giggle.
I love and miss you, Dad!
J.M.J.
Dear Steven,
We are approaching a year since we received the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, and I am happily typing this at 3:30 in the morning on the anniversary of the day you asked me to be your bride. I have attempted to write this third part for the blog posts I have been writing about marrying you, but I have never been able to finish it as the words never seemed right. Yet here I am, nearly nine months after our wedding, drinking the baking soda water you made me to help with heartburn, as the fruit of our love kicks me as though she is going to bust through my poor belly skin.
We married in the small shrine we spent so many hours deepening our love for each other and our love for God. I am so blessed to have spent so many hours at your side gazing upon Christ in the Blessed Sacrament. Our weekly Adoration dates are still among some of my favorite moments with you. If only you knew how much I thanked Him for the goodness you brought to my life and how often I begged Him to let me keep you, you would know how wonderful you are. Long before meeting you, I had asked God to place you in my life while I was sitting in the same little shrine, and He answered my pleading with a far greater Blessing than I knew I was asking of Him.
While wedding planning was stressful and not as easy as we hoped, our wedding was a quiet day focused on God and witnessed by incredible family members! We were well loved by friends and family in preparation for our marriage and have continued to be in our marriage. And throughout the planning, preparation, and the wedding itself, I felt peace knowing I was marrying you. You were graceful and calm even in pain and you showed so much love and patience.
The ceremony itself was full of traditions and we incorporated as much as we could to further focus our life as one on God. I am so glad you wanted to include so many traditions in the wedding and that we were able to learn more about the value of each one during the planning.
The golden matching wedding bands, a sign of unity, inscribed with J.M.J. (The initials of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph) were a wonderful way to commemorate the feast day we were receiving the Sacrament on and a reminder of our incredible role models in family life. The wedding bands will forever serve us as a symbol of the covenant we made with God and each other.
The coins (a.k.a. las arras) symbolizing the trust between groom and bride. The groom entrusts his finances to his bride, and the bride trusts her groom to care for them and their family. Traditionally the thirteen coins represent Our Lord, Jesus Christ, and his twelve apostles. This tradition is not only something you wanted to include for its rich tradition in Mexican culture, but also because it is an aspect of marriage you wholeheartedly wanted to live out. And you have, freely given all of your riches to me and I, in turn, will always strive to return to you the love, trust, and care you continuously bestow upon me.
The Lasso was an incredible reminder of the unity of marriage and a particularly special nod to our daily rosary which we had prayed since our first day of dating. The Lasso was placed on us in a figure “8” to represent infinity, signifying our entrance into the unbreakable Sacrament of Marriage.
Your determination to include the nuptial veil despite our struggles to find good resources on the meaning is probably the only reason I kept searching. Despite the practice being the norm in many Catholic cultures for a long time, it was difficult to find an explanation for the purpose of the veil, which was my requirement for each tradition to be included. Eventually, we found that the tradition was done as the veil is meant to represent the bright cloud that had descended upon God’s chosen people in the desert guiding and protecting them as a symbol of His covenant. Following that the nuptial veil symbolizes God’s covenant with us in the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, ever leading us on our vocational path.
Initially we had decided not to include the tradition of the unity candle as we had found very little reason to incorporate the lighting of the candle, however Fr. Pablo Fuentes shared the beautiful reasoning of the candle the internet failed to provide us. He informed us how we would enter the Mass and light two individual candles to signify our coming as separate people coming freely to the Sacrament. Then, after our vows, we would use the individual candles to light a single candle as a symbol of unity. The individual candles then were extinguished as a sign of the end of our separate lives and the beginning of our life as one in Holy Matrimony. We were amazed and excited by the beauty of the tradition and a bit shocked we had not found this beautiful explanation in our hours of searching. It was an easy decision to add the unity candle into the ceremony upon hearing Fr. Fuentes’ explanation.
As we so often do, on our wedding day we requested the loving intercession of Our Blessed Mother Mary. Bringing a bouquet of roses to the statue of Our Lady of La Leche (whom the shrine is dedicated to) we prayed for a moment while listening to Alma Redemptoris Mater being sung. It was a beautiful moment to honor the Mother of God, Our Heavenly Mother who has so diligently heard our daily requests and brought them to Our Lord.
The crucifix, Blessed at our wedding, will serve as our family’s reminder of the call to live like Christ and love with a sacrificial love. Currently hanging in our living room I hope our children will always see and know the great love depicted in Our Lord’s crucified body on the cross He bore for our sins.
By including these traditions we were able to focus more of our wedding planning on the Sanctity of marriage and have numerous reminders of the covenant we are living out today.
To add to and highlight the beauty of the already incredible transcendence of the Holy Mass, we were Blessed with a friend’s incredible voice resounding beautiful music a cappella. One of the easiest and hardest tasks when wedding planning was choosing the music, as we are both quite passionate about liturgical music (Thank you for all the work, help, and the gift of your voice Adam!).The hymns chosen for the liturgy were chosen not only to honor each part of the Mass, but also to honor each member of the Holy Family on their feast. Be Thou My Vision was the processional song, followed by the Ave Maria as the entrance song for us to walk into in honor of Mary. Salve Pater Salvatoris was sung in Latin during the offertory in recognition of St. Joseph. For the Communion hymn Pan de Vida in honor of the Blessed Sacrament and was followed by a reflection with the Anime Christi chanted beautifully. To honor Mary during the presentation of the flowers the beautiful hymn of Alma Redemptoris Mater was sung in Latin. The music was absolutely incredible and added so much beauty to the wedding day.
There were so many details planned in the couple months between our engagement and wedding, but through all of them you were an engaged partner who worked diligently to set our wedding not as a pinnacle of our relationship, but as a beautiful start to a new life as one. As a sneak peak to the kind of sacrificial love you have demonstrated in our marriage, you gave up on your hope of baking our wedding cake in order to help finish making the kneeler your overzealous bride decided she just had to design and make by hand with you. Thank you! It is still one of my favorite things we did for the wedding.
Additionally, your extraordinary spiritual director, Fr. Pablo lovingly celebrated our wedding Mass. And I have to give him credit for the remarkable advice and guidance he has provided you. It has been beautiful to watch your respect for him and relationship grow over time. We are truly Blessed by God with the incredible priests we have been influenced by in our lives.
Marrying you is a daily decision I love getting to make. Without a doubt you are the greatest gift (aside from Jesus) in my life. It took a long time to know why God spared my life at seven (see post “I’m Waiting”), but I am so glad He did because He had so much beauty to share with me by giving you to me as a spouse.
You are more than I ever could have hoped or imagined… My dreams were far too small for the beauty and greatness of the Blessing you are in my life.
We became one on the feast of the Holy Family and you have demonstrated the answer to God’s call to be a good and holy spouse beautifully. You have led me in love, sacrifice, prayer, and so much more in our marriage thus far. With great patience and respect you listen to me and with great joy and strength you have sacrificed so much for our growing family.
To have a spouse who loves me better than I have loved him is quite wonderful and difficult. Wonderful because I feel so much love, respect, and care in your actions, yet difficult because I want you to experience the love you generously bestow upon me. I often fall short in my attempts to whole heartedly love you with the sacrificial love that God has called us to in our marriage. You are a reminder of how deeply Jesus loves and how ardently He gives us everything we need.
Thank you for asking me to be your bride. You are the greatest mere man to have as an incredible spouse and partner on the journey to Heaven. I hope we make it there hand in hand. I love you so much!
With love,
Your everlasting bride
J.M.J.
An old draft I never posted:
While reading the last chapter of Rome Sweet Home by Scott and Kimberly Hahn, I looked at the slip of paper I was using as a bookmark and read the quote below the Divine Mercy image (which I had admired many a time while reading the book) for the first time.
“Man is created to praise, reverence, and serve God our Lord, and by this means to save his soul. And the other things on the face of the earth are created for man and that they may help him in fulfilling the end for which he is created. From this is follows that man is to use them as much as they help him to his end, and out to rid himself of them so far as they hinder him as to it.”
– St. Ignatius of Loyola Spiritual Exercise, no. 23
I am not sure why I did not read the quote before, but found the timing of my discovery quite helpful and a little humorous. I love sitting in Adoration. In addition to praying in Adoration, I often like to sit and look at Jesus and feel His gaze upon me. Focusing on the purpose of life has been quite difficult when my head is often turned towards desires rather than towards the Glory and service of our Lord. I am thankful for the reminder in Adoration today.
J.M.J.
While dating Steven told me of how much he liked the Rite of Betrothal and wanted to incorporate the once common and now nearly forgotten rite in his (and my) preparation for the Sacrament of Marriage. I had heard of the Rite, but knew very little of it outside of the historical significance. Over the course of dating we discussed and looked further into Betrothals and agreed we would incorporate the the Rite in our journey towards Holy Matrimony. Due to the historical beauty of the Rite and the importance of including God in each step of our relationship the decision was easy, however, upon getting engaged we discovered it would be much harder to receive than we anticipated.
Upon getting engaged we decided to marry in the Shrine we often prayed before the Blessed Sacrament in Adoration together. The Shrine happens to be more local to my family than his, thus Steven and I wanted to receive the Rite of Betrothal in his hometown. However, after many attempts to have the Rite of Betrothal done at his home parish, we were quite disheartened when the priest turned us away. Despite the tedious and disappointing experience, we reached out to a nearby parish, and to our great joy were in contact with a priest who was willing to help us.
Fr. Clemente kindly instructed us on the historical significance of betrothals as an agreement between the two families in preparation for a marriage. The Betrothal would serve as the official marriage agreement that would lead to the union of two families. Often Betrothals were a way families would negotiate land, finances, and make agreements on the handling of different matters. To honor and incorporate the historical context of a betrothal, Fr. Clemente directed us to write a contract between the two of us that he would witness in addition to giving us a blessing at the Rite of Betrothal.
Because there is no set rite in the Catholic Church for Betrothals, when done there are several different ways a betrothal may be performed. The wonderful priest who agreed to witness our betrothal had to research the Rite himself, as he did not have a book containing any version of it.
Fr. Clemente started by asking the Lord for Steven and I to understand the importance and gravity of the Sacrament we were preparing ourselves for and committing to receive together on our wedding day.
Then reading from the book of Tobit, Fr. Clemente recited:
“10Tobias said: I will not eat nor drink here this day, unless thou first grant me my petition, and promise to give me Sara thy daughter... 12The angel said to him: Be not afraid to give her to this man, for to him who feareth God is thy daughter due to be his wife: therefore another could not have her.
Raguel:15And taking the right hand of his daughter, he gave it into the right hand of Tobias, saying: The God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob be with you, and may he join you together, and fulfil his blessing in you. 16And taking paper they made a writing of the marriage. 17And afterwards they made merry, blessing God.
4Then Tobias exhorted the virgin, and said to her: Sara, arise, and let us pray to God to day, and tomorrow, and the next day: because for these three nights we are joined to God: and when the third night is over, we will be in our own wedlock. 5For we are the children of saints, and we must not be joined together like heathens that know not God. 6So they both arose, and prayed earnestly both together that health might be given them...
Thanks be to God.”
Tobit 7:10,12,15-17, 8:4-6
The reading was followed by Steven and I making vows to each other. The vows were prewritten by Steven and I with the intention of giving us a framework for how we wanted to prepare for our up coming Sacrament and continue on through life living out our vocational call in our marriage centered on God. Each of us stating to the other:
“In the name of Our Lord, Jesus Christ, I, ________________ vow to in the near future take you, _________________, as my (bride/spouse) in accordance with the teachings of the One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church. I promise to support, serve, and protect you as do for me throughout the remainder of our engagement. And I promise to enter into the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony with the intent of walking to Heaven with you.”
Fr. Clemente then asked for God to Bless us and he said a blessing over the Rosary and engagement rings.
Steven placed the rings on my index, middle, and ring fingers saying each part of the Sign of the Cross as he did so, “In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.”
And we were betrothed! We then celebrated the special moment in our lives with a meal between our families.
Traditionally Betrothals are done at the beginning of an engagement, however with all our trouble and in an attempt to have our immediate families attend, we were betrothed only fifteen days before we received the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony. Therefore our betrothal period was the shortest stage of our relationship. Despite being the shortest stage, the betrothal period was a wonderful time where we focused on preparing ourselves for marriage (surprisingly hard while planning a wedding).
J.M.J.
I begged God to be let in on His plan for my life… I could hear His call towards marriage and family life but was left wondering what the next step would be or when I would finally get to take it. While the wait for understanding His answer was long, every second of awaiting was worth the immense good I have received.
I knew I would marry Steven shortly after we started dating. There has always been so much peace in loving him. Steven has led us in daily Rosary throughout our relationship and has never said no to the many Novenas I asked him to pray with me. The gift of knowing and loving Steven has been the most beautiful part of my life.
One day, long before getting engaged, Steven told me about a dream he had the night before where he proposed to me with a Rosary. I nearly cried right then listening to the beauty of the dream he described to me. I quickly informed him that no proposal could be more incredible than the one he was sharing with me.
On September twentieth Steven made his dream, and mine, a cherished memory. Upon arriving home from dinner with my cousin, I found Steven on a knee by my front door, Rosary in hand.
He proposed with an antique sterling silver Rosary. The Rosary center piece is an intricate image of the Sacred Heart, the details of which I am often mesmerized by, with a nearly glowing heart of Jesus depicted.
As a testament to his thoughtfulness, knowing I would not want to lose the exquisite Rosary, but would also cherish having something to remind me of it and him, he also bought me a set of sterling silver rings. One ring as a simple band that I could wear to work and the other to serve as a more typical engagement ring.
The strength, forgiveness, thoughtfulness, generosity, and love he lives life with is magnificent to witness. I am immensely Blessed in the man God has not only given me to love and serve and to be loved by, but also to walk towards Heaven with.
“Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect.”
Romans 12:2
J.M.J
You missed a big one, Dad.
RG is growing up so fast. She is brave and compassionate. A bit of a drama queen, but an entertaining one. She loves to color, sing and dance, and she has become obsessed with video games. It hurts to know she has and will never play tux racer with you.
RC is also growing up fast. She is diligent, kind, and devout. You would have a lot of respect for the incredible young woman she is.
M is thoughtful, very bright, and still curious. She shocks me with new bits of herself all the time. She still has the most contagious and joyful laugh.
JL is adventurous and always willing to try something new. She is beautiful and sweet. One of my favorite people to just run errands with or go out for no reason with.
S bought a car! She is not the little punk that could trick you into saying yes every time (although I do not think you could tell her no even still). She is independent and spunky. A little too cute if you ask her eldest sister.
JB is J. She is still the sibling that can get me to belly laugh and nearly kill myself from lack of air. She tells stories better than anyone I know. She is one of the best friends I could have ever hoped for.
LS is quiet and on her own clock (since those high chair days). She has been a better sister than me a lot recently. Might email her for a proof read after I finish writing this.
P is a punk and may take a year to read this, but he is still a thoughtful little brother. He has gone through a lot of changes this year and handled them very well. I am quite impressed by his resilience and adaptability when life changes.
LD is working really hard. You would be really impressed with him. I think we are closer than we were before.
I moved out. I went to Mexico. I taught myself how to make tamales, which I know you loved. I went to the gym for the first time since that day you left me alone.
I have been happy. Really happy. I can not remember a September with so much joy as this one, but yesterday I cried. You did not get to hug me or shake the hand of the man I love when he asked me to spend my life with him and marry him. He has helped me heal and grow in more ways than even I know. He is strong, loves fiercely, is forgiving, is fun and peaceful, works hard, and most of all he loves God.
He has dark hair and strong hands, so even little Amelia would approve.
I am looking forward to walking to Heaven with him.
J.M.J.