I miss Jesus.

I long for my weekly Adoration hour with Him all the time. I finally went for the first time at our new parish last week and it felt wonderful to just gaze upon the Blessed Sacrament. While on earth the closest to Heaven and Christ one can achieve is in participation at the Most Holy Mass. Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament in a Monstrance has always helped me feel the Lord’s presence in a way I only ever felt as a child in other places. In an Adoration chapel, I am able to focus solely on the Gift before me, the True Presence.

Today I will go again. I will kneel and see. My heart need not long for those quiet moments in a dark sanctuary gazing upon Jesus as He gazes upon me. Often in the routine of daily life His gaze falls upon a blind woman with claims of missing Him whilst ignoring His call. Each frustrated comment, every resentful act, in the pain of nursing, in the exhaustion of the night, in the moments where a child’s cry drowns every thought, He is there where I am not.

I started this blog as I prepared myself for the vocation of family life and here I am living this great call while still awaiting every step in patience.

Often forgetting to ask for the virtue of patience, I live out my day as a broken and impatient wife and mother thinking I bear a heavy burden, because I choose not to utilize any of the lifting tools the Lord has provided. 

I felt close with God while dating my husband, and I feel closer in the moments where I am a good wife, but I often let my circumstances in life distract me from my call to walk with my husband towards the Lord.

Regularly seeking quiet interactions with Christ is of significance to my, hopefully ever deepening, relationship with Him. To love is to know. And like learning more about my spouse in order to love him better, I need to know Christ more to love Him better. So I will strive not to long to gaze more on Christ, but to choose to do so.

J.M.J.