While dating Steven told me of how much he liked the Rite of Betrothal and wanted to incorporate the once common and now nearly forgotten rite in his (and my) preparation for the Sacrament of Marriage. I had heard of the Rite, but knew very little of it outside of the historical significance. Over the course of dating we discussed and looked further into Betrothals and agreed we would incorporate the the Rite in our journey towards Holy Matrimony. Due to the historical beauty of the Rite and the importance of including God in each step of our relationship the decision was easy, however, upon getting engaged we discovered it would be much harder to receive than we anticipated.

Upon getting engaged we decided to marry in the Shrine we often prayed before the Blessed Sacrament in Adoration together. The Shrine happens to be more local to my family than his, thus Steven and I wanted to receive the Rite of Betrothal in his hometown. However, after many attempts to have the Rite of Betrothal done at his home parish, we were quite disheartened when the priest turned us away. Despite the tedious and disappointing experience, we reached out to a nearby parish, and to our great joy were in contact with a priest who was willing to help us.

Fr. Clemente kindly instructed us on the historical significance of betrothals as an agreement between the two families in preparation for a marriage. The Betrothal would serve as the official marriage agreement that would lead to the union of two families. Often Betrothals were a way families would negotiate land, finances, and make agreements on the handling of different matters. To honor and incorporate the historical context of a betrothal, Fr. Clemente directed us to write a contract between the two of us that he would witness in addition to giving us a blessing at the Rite of Betrothal.

Because there is no set rite in the Catholic Church for Betrothals, when done there are several different ways a betrothal may be performed. The wonderful priest who agreed to witness our betrothal had to research the Rite himself, as he did not have a book containing any version of it.

Fr. Clemente started by asking the Lord for Steven and I to understand the importance and gravity of the Sacrament we were preparing ourselves for and committing to receive together on our wedding day.

Then reading from the book of Tobit, Fr. Clemente recited:

“¹⁰Tobias said: I will not eat nor drink here this day, unless thou first grant me my petition, and promise to give me Sara thy daughter... ¹²The angel said to him: Be not afraid to give her to this man, for to him who feareth God is thy daughter due to be his wife: therefore another could not have her.

Raguel:¹⁵And taking the right hand of his daughter, he gave it into the right hand of Tobias, saying: The God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob be with you, and may he join you together, and fulfil his blessing in you. ¹⁶And taking paper they made a writing of the marriage. ¹⁷And afterwards they made merry, blessing God.

⁴Then Tobias exhorted the virgin, and said to her: Sara, arise, and let us pray to God to day, and tomorrow, and the next day: because for these three nights we are joined to God: and when the third night is over, we will be in our own wedlock. ⁵For we are the children of saints, and we must not be joined together like heathens that know not God. ⁶So they both arose, and prayed earnestly both together that health might be given them...

Thanks be to God.”

Tobit 7:10,12,15-17, 8:4-6

The reading was followed by Steven and I making vows to each other. The vows were prewritten by Steven and I with the intention of giving us a framework for how we wanted to prepare for our up coming Sacrament and continue on through life living out our vocational call in our marriage centered on God. Each of us stating to the other:

“In the name of Our Lord, Jesus Christ, I, ________________ vow to in the near future take you, _________________, as my (bride/spouse) in accordance with the teachings of the One Holy Catholic and Apostolic  Church. I promise to support, serve, and protect you as do for me throughout the remainder of our engagement. And I promise to enter into the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony with the intent of walking to Heaven with you.”

Fr. Clemente then asked for God to Bless us and he said a blessing over the Rosary and engagement rings.

Steven placed the rings on my index, middle, and ring fingers saying each part of the Sign of the Cross as he did so, “In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.”

And we were betrothed! We then celebrated the special moment in our lives with a meal between our families.

Traditionally Betrothals are done at the beginning of an engagement, however with all our trouble and in an attempt to have our immediate families attend, we were betrothed only fifteen days before we received the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony. Therefore our betrothal period was the shortest stage of our relationship. Despite being the shortest stage, the betrothal period was a wonderful time where we focused on preparing ourselves for marriage (surprisingly hard while planning a wedding).

J.M.J.